Future Aspirations

"Good job" is something I say to Levi probably no less than 50 times a day. It's important to verbally reward him during therapy and well, therapy somehow finds its way into every hour of our days.
I love to hear "good job," but it takes a lot of discipline on my part for me to say it to someone else. That's a flaw of mine that I try to constantly work on. My "love language" is 'Words of Affirmation' (actually, I have always thought I fit into all 5 love languages, which makes it really hard on my loved ones...sorry Tyler...but the affirmation one characterizes me the most).

In high school, when a student is required to fill out a questionnaire for the yearbook, or to be announced at Homecoming, or for a graduation recognition at church, the question about "future aspirations" is always included at the end. As a teenager, and even a college student, the natural tendencies of the world and your age trick you into thinking the things that are important are to be well-traveled, have lots of fun and lots of friends, eventually get married, have a family, and be something really great. At least for everyone I have known, watched/witnessed, or been close to, this has been the norm. I'm positive I once had the same thoughts and "aspirations." I actually clearly remember just jotting something down and thinking to myself, "there is no way I can write anything meaningful here because I don't really know what my future holds, so I'll just scribble down the same boring stuff everyone expects." 

The last year of my life I've been thinking more clearly about aspirations. It's funny how growing up changes your goals. I like to travel, but I really have no desire or need to have a lot of places stamped on my passport. I really don't have the desire to make a ton of money, or move somewhere exciting, or strive to become any variation of people who I may have once envied. I just want to do things and be involved in things that really matter. I want to be the kind of person who isn't consumed with myself, like the world says it's "ok" to be. I want to be someone who serves and gives and is concerned with the needs of other people; never satisfied with myself or my walk and always knowing I can strive to be better. Those are things that matter.

I have daily struggles and frustrations like anyone does, but right now I am involved in something that matters. It's teaching me to be disciplined in different areas of my life, and I can definitely see rewards from that. It's also helping me to develop meaningful aspirations.

In college I went to a conference with my friend Cassidy, and she introduced me to Nichole Nordeman's (who was playing at the conference) music and I fell in love with her song "Legacy." It's been around for quite a while but the words are really, really powerful. It really, quite clearly sums up this post that I have rambled through, about my aspirations.

________________________________________________________________________________
I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much

I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthy list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy

Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...

Nichole Nordeman "Legacy"
______________________________________________________________________________

“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant!" Matthew 25:23

Caught Up

Lately I've been studying a lot about living obediently. I get caught up a lot in things that just really don't matter. I set a lot of selfish goals and work hard to meet them, when really I should be working toward goals that really matter. I'm saying all of that to say, I fail a lot, but hopefully I'm learning.

The world teaches that selfishness is right. It's completely normal to hear things like "I deserve this," and for people to be unabashedly only concerned with their own world. But in all reality, that is wrong. It's not biblical to make yourself or your own affairs numero uno. The two greatest commandments are instructions to love God and love others. Serve God and serve others. There is nothing about serving myself before either of those.

My dad always taught me to put others first. He probably told me to quit worrying about my own problems or to worry about other people before myself about five million times (don't have a heart attack Dad, we do listen to you...........sometimes), and I probably rolled my eyes five million times in response. I never liked hearing it because it was usually heard when I was in the middle of a high-school-teenage-girl-extreme-crisis. At the time, I usually was pouting because I wished I had the type of parents that sympathized with every "situation" I went through and told me that the world was treating me wrong and I deserved better. I definitely didn't have those kind of parents, but it was because they were trying to teach me that I deserve nothing. I'm glad I don't get what I "deserve."

Here are a few words inspiring me lately:

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”  Mark 10:45

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself." Galatians 5:13-14 

Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Luke 6:38

In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:16

Sweet Words

I don't always drag along my headphones when I go running, because it's just a lot of baggage and a lot easier to run without them. This morning, though, I grabbed them for whatever reason as I headed out the door. During my first mile (the hardest part to me) I heard some sweet words that almost made me uncontrollably sob made me tear up. It was a gentle reminder that I need today.

When the path is daunting
And every step exhausting
I'm not alone
I'm not alone, no, no
I feel you draw me closer
All these burdens on my shoulder
I'm not alone, I'm not alone
You pull me me from this place

Hallelujah
You carry me every day
You carry me all all the way
Hallelujah
You carry me to the
You carry me to the cross

How your love has moved me
To the foot of all your glory
I'm not alone, I'm not alone
I'm not alone

Hallelujah
You carry me every day
You carry me all all the way
Hallelujah
You carry me to the
You carry me to the cross

Gratitude

Yesterday during Sunday School we heard that a sweet one-year old baby girl who goes to our church was rushed to the emergency room because she wasn't breathing. At the end of the service our pastor got word that she had passed away. She was born with some brain damage and her parents knew that this might eventually happen, but nothing can prepare you for that day, especially when she was so much a part of their lives already. We closed the service in prayer for her sweet, grieving family.

Several months ago, a friend I graduated high school with lost his 3-month-old baby boy to SIDS. It hit me so close to home, that I couldn't go to the funeral, I just baked a ham and giant casserole and took it to his house for the family's meal after the service.

It seemed like during Levi's first year, I heard about more acquaintances/friends/classmates who lost children than I had heard about in the previous 26 years of my life.

We've got some minor developmental/health things going on with Levi right now. Compared to these families who have lost their babies or are dealing with major health issues or cancer, it is so minor. Even though it's still scary to us and we are being pretty aggressive with doctor appointments and therapies, I am overwhelmingly thankful for his health. He is healthy and happy and I'm so thankful that God is allowing me to be his mother. My heart is burdened for these families, but it is so heavy with gratitude.

{thanks to Amy Dale for this photo}

Rejoice always,  pray continually,  give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.  He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created. James 1:17-18

But godliness with contentment is great gain.  For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.  But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 1 Timothy 6:6-8

Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. 1 Corinthians 7:17

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:19

Live Like That

I heard this song over and over for the longest time and never paid much attention to it. It wasn't the sort of song I am normally drawn to, so I always turned it down or didn't listen. One day I was driving and Levi was asleep and I listened to the words, and it instantly became one of my favorites. It is such a great every-day prayer, and it really makes me focus on things that are really important instead of getting caught up in stupid things that don't matter. It's good (for me) to step back every once in a while and examine my life and make sure that I'm living it a glorifying way, and not spending time, resources, and energy on things that are carnal.

Live Like That by Sidewalk Prophets 

Sometimes I think
What will people say of me?
When I'm only just a memory,
When I'm home where my soul belongs?

Was I love,
When no one else would show up?
Was I Jesus to the least of those,
Was my worship more than just a song?

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You

If love is who I am
Then this is where I'll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back

I want to live like that
I want to live like that

Am I proof
That You are who you say You are,
That grace can really change a heart?
Do I live like Your love is true?

People pass
And even if they don't know my name
Is there evidence that I've been changed?
When they see me, do they see You?

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You

If love is who I am
Then this is where I'll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back

I want to live like that
I want to live like that

I want to show the world the love You gave for me
I'm longing for the world to know the glory of the King

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You

If love is who I am
Then this is where I'll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back

I want to live like that
I want to live like that